Story 4

Prison is only as boring as you let it become.
I speak not as an inmate, but as a worker tasked with a job worse in many ways than the life of an inmate.
But I only work enough to keep my ´´job.´´ The vast majority of the time I spend developing contacts, handing over anything the more powerful inmates need that I can get my hands on. My blooming relationship with the Guatemalan Army ensures that one of those things is weaponry (armas), a violent prison rebellion the presumed aim.
Guatemala is such a fun place.
In the past few weeks, my methods have shifted like the afternoon clouds of the rainy season. Among other things, I´ve learned to feel an audience out and to tailor my message accordingly. If you were to overhear one of my private meetings with a ganglord and a roundtable with a platoon of army regulars, you would probably think I take both sides of every issue. Yet I am merely diversifying my ideological portfolio.
Ideology is my currency.
What are these ´´issues?´´ you may be asking. For starters, we have the balance of power in a country with little power and less balance. For 90 años, until the mid-´80s, Guatemala was locked in a deadly and intractable guerra civil. Even now, drive in the wrong direction and you´ll run straight into a ragtag band of ex-freedom fighters who will query you to forfeit every dollar and quetzale.
These people really want power.
Most will follow anyone who convincingly promises them more power than the competitors. Ideological capitalism. Right now, I am Wal-Mart. Yet I couldn´t care less about the money. Or even the power. In fact, more and more, I found myself caring about... Mayans.
Many are so poor that they have never had enough money at one time to buy a decent cigar. I wanted to do everything to help them, to improve their lives, to bring them into the 21st century, to impose my culture and ideology on them with relentless energy and undiminished resources.
I will be the first to admit to mixed motives. The humanitarian in me lives in uneasy paz with the ideological imperialist. Yet aren´t we all walking ambiguities?
Health is another issue I´m tackling. I´ve mentioned my effort to educate every citizen in emergency medicine, better (and more euphoniously) known as Club de Lucha. A sister effort that is quickly taking hold here in Antigua and in a few other major cities in Central America is the Club de Drogas. Pharmaceutical companies, mostly Central American firms, drive up prices beyond the average citizen, soldier, and inmate´s ability to pay. Mayans can forget about anything but traditional remedies. Club de Drogas is my plan to fix that.

En Club de Drogas, hay 7 reglas.
I do not say this while standing on the edge of a packed dirt courtyard at twilight. Neither is it said on a daily basis. Women and men are both present, seated, and fully clothed. In black.
Regla Numero 1: No hablas sobre Club de Drogas.
Sometime past midnight on Thursdays, a hand-picked group of ex-patriots gathers in the old wine cellar just off the blood-stained, packed dirt courtyard, still warm from the evenings luchas.
Regla Numero 2: No hablas sobre Club de Drogas.
If you brought an outsider to Club de Lucha, all the newcomer had to do to clear himself of doubt was to fight, then treat and/or be treated for injuries. If a member of Club de Drogas was to bring an outsider, they and the newcomer would be promptly picked up, carried to the nearby horse manure compost pile, and rotisseried en caga.
Regla Numero 3: Traiga una arma.
No one has ever brought an outsider to Club de Drogas.
Regla Numero 4: Lleva negra.
The clubs are mostly Americans but a few Euros have been let in too. After a week, every member had broken federal -and some international- laws to advance the cause.
Regla Numero 5: Llega con un proyecto completo.
Every meeting started with a review of the previous week´s proyectos. These had to be considered as helpful to the cause of taking control of the Central American Pharmaceutical Industry. And they had to be complete. A few long-term proyectos were exceptions.
Regla Numero 6: Llega con dos proyectos en mente.
The meetings subsequently moved to nuevos proyectos para la semana. Everyone always came with two. Everyone always left with one, randomly selected from a hat at the end of each meeting.
Regla Numero 7: Nunca es fuera limite.
Nothing is out of bounds.

A few more weeks of arming inmates and priming the long-term proyectos for detonation, and Central America will explode in a flash of ideology.